Sonic the Hedgehog: On The Case
by SeymourAsses
Summary: Detective Sonic Mariuce Takeshi Hedgehog is on the case, and he'll be inspecting some Freedom Fighter murders. Contains some swearing, drug use, alcohol use, and murder.


SONIC THE HEDGEHOG  
  
On the Case  
  
Episode One: "The Pilot"  
  
It was a typical, chaotic day in the Knothole Village. The Freedom Fighters, which consisted of Sonic the Hedgehog, Princess Sally Acorn, Miles "Tails" Prower, Rotor the Walrus, Antoine D' Coolette, Bunnie Rabbot, and Dulcy the Dragon. But Dulcy doesn't appear until next season, okay? Anyway, the Freedom Fighters are a band of rebellious furries facing off against the evil and vile Dr. Robotnik. But, this series is not about that. This series is about...  
  
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG ON THE CASE  
  
When murders broke out in Knothole Village, Freedom Fighters across the globe (Apparently there are like 8000 of them or something, but I wouldn't know. The Saturday Morning series nor the Archie Comics never seemed to exactly clarify how many there were) would all cry in pain and agony. Naturally everyone thought that the mastermind behind all of these murders was Dr. Robotnik himself, given his undeniable hatred for the Freedom Fighters. However, one Freedom Fighter, one at Knothole Village, wasn't too sure... because he knew that there was no way Robotnik could kill anyway.  
  
Enter Detective Archibald Mariuce Takeshi Hedgehog.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Detective Archibald Mariuce Takeshi Hedgehog has stated in an official press release his displeasure of the name "Archibald" being used to refer to himself. He says "I'm embarrassed by knowing that I once had that name. When I moved from Christmas Island to Mobotropolis I was able to slap a lawsuit on my parents for giving me the stupid name they did and legally changed my name to Sonic Mariuce Takeshi Hedgehog." As of this time, Sonic wishes not to be known to any Mobian soul as Archibald Mariuce Takeshi Hedgehog. Rather, Sonic Mariuce Takeshi Hedgehog. He also said that if anyone ever let it slip that his real name was Archibald, they would die horrid and painful deaths. Hold on, did I just say "Enter Detective Archibald Mariuce Takeshi Hedgehog"? Umm... I'm going to have to delete your memory now. Sorry.  
  
deletes your memory  
  
Good, now what's Sonic's real name? Archibald, you say? Ah crap...  
  
Now, it should be noted that Sonic himself is not the sharpest tool in the toolbox. His ways of thinking are very idiotic and oftentimes he'll jump to conclusions. So uhm... well, that settles it, the boy's 100% retarded. But that doesn't mean that he can't solve the case. In fact, at the time of this writing, Detective Sonic Mariuce Takeshi Hedgehog, has failed to solve any case he has received. I couldn't make my mind up on whether or not that could be considered a negative statement. In fact, I doubt Sir Archibald would approve of the written chronicles =/  
  
In The Chronicles of Detective Sonic Mariuce Takeshi Hedgehog, we shall take a look at the hedgehog's most exciting cases. That's not saying much, since most of them are pretty dull. Yeah, typical murder cases. I think there was a crucification case with a Freedom Fighter once... so, in a blatant rip-off, I close the prologue with suspects abound, and a keen eye for details, only one truth WILL prevail. With that being said, it should be noted that Detective Sonic doesn't take that much into consideration. Are you getting impatient with how I'm delaying the actual story? I'm sure you are. But each case will be divided into three chapters. So if you don't like it, tough. So we'll start now. Because I know my prologue is unfunny.  
  
---  
  
Detective Sonic Mariuce Takeshi Hedgehog was sitting at his desk. Broken glass was everywhere, on the floor, the desk, the walls... Sherlock over there was... to be blunt, insanely drunk. Ever since he defeated Robotnik, his life went straight downhill. He became an alcoholic/detective hybrid. So now, he simply sat at his desk, awaiting cases. Of course, even when he did get cases, he simply shrugged them off and continued drinking. Like in the example below.  
  
Rotor the Walrus rushed into his office (read: horribly decorated hut), panting. He raised his head and yelled to the detective, "There was a recent murder in South Central! Come quick, detective!" Sonic just blankly stared at him, and in a fit of rage, chucked an empty bottle of booze at the walrus, and yelled "Shut the hell up you retarded walrus......" and passed out on his desk. Ever since Sonic started drinking, the Freedom Fighters developed a local training program to avoid any beer bottles tossed from Sonic when he was drunk. Rotor was quick to dodge, and rushed over to the fainted Sonic. He carried him on his back and tried to avoid any disgusting images being formed in anyone's mind, and carried him off to South Central... wherever it was. Rotor thought to himself, _Damn. Ever since Sonic started drinking, he became all fat and overweight. Stupid bastard._  
  
At South Central, Sonic awoke. He looked at Rotor. "Okay walrusboy, where in God's name are we?!" He was trying hard to control his body, which didn't seem to adjust to standing up after sitting on its ass all day drinking beer. Rotor sighed and said, "South Central. There was a murder here, and since you're the detective, you'll have to investigate it." Sonic weakly blinked, and said "I don't want to investigate some stiff, I want to continue to do nothing all day long...................", he spouted out and he fell over. Muffled, he said "Give me a few hours. I don't want to investigate while I'm drunk." Rotor, again sighed, and thought to himself, _That's how you always do it. I don't see how this case isn't any difference. Lazyass._  
  
A few hours later, Sonic, who had fallen asleep, awoke. His head wasn't as jumbled up as it was before, and all drunkness had seemed to worn off of him. "Okay, so what happened here?" he asked Rotor. He saw a crying chipmunk, and she raised her head and said, "I went outside after my shower to take a swim because that's how I cleared my mind from hardships, and then... sniffle I FOUND MY HUSBAND'S DEAD BODY, TWISTED UP IN OUR POOL." She resumed crying. Rotor told Sonic who the suspects were. List below.  
  
THE VICTIM's WIFE: allaby checked out. Reported to have been showering during the murder.  
  
THE VICTIM's BUTLER: no allaby.  
  
CHIPPY THE TIGER: some little kid. Clearly didn't have the strength to kill the man.  
  
SOME GUY: a groundhog who was found running away from the murderer's home, who appeared to have a bloodstain on him.  
  
"Hmm... judging from this, I suspect it be either the groundhog or the butler. I don't know what the groundhog would have to gain from his murder, aside from revenge... the butler could've been pissed off at the victim for a past event, but I doubt it's likeliness." Sonic pulls out a pack of cigarrettes from seemingly nowhere and proceeds to light it with a lighter, also seemingly from nowhere. He puts it back in his... fur, and tosses the empty ciggarrette box somewhere. Yes, he's also a drug-addict. Like how I twisted his personality? Thanks. He takes a puff.  
  
"Seems like the murder was a case of vengeance." Sonic said as the smoke rose between his eyes. "With this case, I shall to prove that I'm _NOT A VERY GOOD DETECTIVE_!" Sonic laughed maniacally. Everyone just stared at him blankly.  
  
_To Be Continued..._


End file.
